2009 Two Thousand Nine

hello hello hello. guess what today is. or yesterday, since its after midnight. it was January 1st, 2009. ohhh wow.
let me tell you my new years resolutions:

1. No soda the whole year.
2. Gym three times a week.
3. Read the Bible every day.
4. Use Proactive every night.
5. I cant tell you number five. its a secret.
   

I can't believe it's that time again...

so, school is starting on monday, four days from now. i cannot tell you how much i am not ready. bleeeehhhhh. i still have to read an entire book. no bueno. but ill finish, i always do. haha. anyways.
today something aweful happend. will and natalie lost thier twin babies. i cannot even fathom the pain they must be feeling. i prayed to God for a miracle; that he would let those babies live. but, they didnt. i dont blame God, but i dont understand his ways, either. those babies were going to have a life. they were going to grow up and fall in love and have babies of thier own. they never got a chance. i dont understand. i cried for them. it's all i can do right now. i know im the last person will and natalie would want to hear from. well, im sure not the last. but there is nothing i could do for them.
yesterday, i was supposed to go to a dynamo with my parents and one of my favorite people in the world, chris laveau. but he flaked out, and i couldnt find anyone else to go, and simone invited me to her bible study, so i ended up doing that instead. im kind of glad i did though, despite the fact that i missed out on hanging with micah and jon, who are also some of my favorite people. geeze. anyways, simones church... there is such great fellowship there. everyone knows and loves eachother, and are there for genuine reasons, contrary to the reason people come to my church. it just seemed so much more personal last night. like God was there.
ive spent this entire week watching fuse, and nothing else. music video after music video. some of them suck and some of them rock and ive really enjoyed it. i love music. i really really would love to learn to play the piano and be something like sarah berellis(spelling error). i just think it would be so cool. i dont have any skill, anyway. except i can bake. and i tought myself how to long board! yeah that was so cool. i fell and broke my spine and cut my hand. no, i didnt really brake my spine, but it hurts. geeze.
oh, back to simones church. the kid that spoke last night, andrew, talked about the song "blessed be your name". and he talked about how he found it hard to sing that song because he finds it hard to thank God for things when life gets tought. and honestly, i had never really paid attention to the lyrics. i know all of the words, but never grasped thier meaning. once i realized that half the song was thanking God for the good times and the other half was thanking him for the bad times, i could only sing half. i havent gotten to the point in my relationship with christ where i am thankful for everything, the good and bad. so that is something i need to work on.
so, little do my parents now, but my father will when he reads this, but i used to cuss, like all the time. like hard core. and i knew i did. it wasnt like some subconscience thing, i chose to do it. i think somtimes it was to impress people, and then the rest of the time, i just liked the way it sounded coming out of my mouth, intertwined with the rest of my words. but something happend, this summer, i dont know what, but it just stopped. this week i realized it. i said to halley, i havent cussed in a long time, and she was like, i know. im proud. i realize it just sounds trashy. i mean, ill still call my brother a bitch and stuff, but thats just because thats what we do.
speaking of chris, he moved out of the house, and into an apartment with joshua steele. i asked him if we were ever going to hang out, and he was like duhhhh im going to pick you up from school every friday, and i really hope he means it. because i love my broski and i need him around. other wise, i will be two brothers less.
well, thats all for now.
so long, hombre.

Lately

so lately, ive been doing a lot.
i just got back from jamaica on saturday evening. it was one of the best weeks of my life. it was truely incredible. i fell in love with every young jamaican man. like cruz and davey. it was so much fun. we painted a school and did a VBS with all the little kids in the village. i loved it. i might even go back in march. there was also this market. it was crazy because you literally cannot take any steps without all these jamaicans begging you to come look at thier store. but i loved the stuff. i got my brother chris a towel with a marajuana leaf on it. it is so cool. hahahaha. i got coop a bob marley towel and i bought myself a bob marley painting. i really really loved it there. and we climbed this waterfall thing and it was absolutely beautiful.
anywayssss.
tomorrow im getting my spacer for my braces. and we are also getting new carpet tomorrow. i painting my room yesterday and today with halley. it was pretty fun. really like it because i really didnt like how my room was. now its all white and everything matches.
chris and joshua might be moviing in together and i really really dont know if we will ever see each other. he says we will...that he will still pick my up from school on fridays. i hope so. i cant live without both of them.
oh and starting like this week im training with my mom for a half marathon in november. i have goals. but i dont know how strong my will power is. im so upset with myself; its insane.
i really really dont want school to start. but i really do want to get my lisense, so im kind of prepared. i dont knoooow.
this is enough.

yesterday, i was sitting on the porch with my dad, listening to my ipod, just watching the ocean.
i discovered that i have this tendency to hum with my music; almost subconsciously, but then not, because i noticed and almost apologized to my dad, because he was reading. anyways, it reminded me of a time when i was in fourth grade i believe and my brothers and i had some friends over and we were all just playing, having a good time. and then i decided to go get my CD player because i had this erg to listen to my new CD. so i get it, and i start playing the music, and then i start singing at the top of my lungs, and my mom looks and me and gets angry and says sarah stop singing and im like...why? and she said to me, no one here wants to listen to you sing what the rest of us cant hear. still, i didnt understand, so i kept singing. quietly, of course. but at the time, i didnt understand that i was the only one who could hear the music.
maybe thats the way that i live my live. singing for myself. i dont think about what other people can or cannot hear. its always been for my benefit. isnt my voice good enough for everyone else?

Blog Number Two: 2008

today is july 8th, 2008.
and let me tell you something awesome: my cousin lauren and shaggy are about to have a child. yes, a baby.
it is soo exciting.
shesss pushhinggg!
anyway...the year 2008 has been fairly eventful. ive done a lot of things. i made it through the school year, barely, but i made it. everyone was lucky i didnt kill some of my teachers. i made new friends, like katlin, who is basically one of my best friends ever.
i hate watching scrubs. i think it is extremely dumb.
babiesssss.
i love them. i cannot wait. i claimed the babysitting long ago.
next week our family has a beach house in galveston(bleeeh) but i dont think it will be too bad.
there is this guy that my brother lives with, and he is one of the greatest guys i have ever met, but i also have a tendancy to hyperbolize.
hahhaaaa.
thats alll.

First Time Blogger

welp. this is my first blog. i doubt many people will be reading it, but hey, ill think of it as a place to rant where no one can care. i just became aware of the fact that i have a splitting head ache. welll. ive been struggleing alot in school. im in a chemistry class with a "teacher" that cannot "teach". its rediculous. i seriously have no idea what she's talking about pretty much all of the time. and then i have debate. it it pretty much the worst class anyone could ever possibley take. we had to do a practice debate and i pretty much knew absolutly nothing that i was supposed to be doing. i was so embarrassed. my teacher made me feel so stupid. she expected me to know everything about what i was doing. the next class period, i cried in front of her and told her i couldnt do it. i dont think she is expecting me to do any more debates for a while. but it is so rediculous. i hate it. and i almost failed geometry. my teacher is really cool, its just that i simpley dont get it. gah. school is just not my thing. im in a really cool art class, though. stephen cashiola is in it. he is supah fly. and yeah. painting is the shiz. ive made some new friends this year; alot of gay friends, i might add. its wierd. but whatevah. i dont judge. i told the boy that i like that i like him today. it was a mistake. he has a girlfriend, and i really doubt that he would ever like me that way. but ive liked him since seventh grade, so i think it was time. today is halloweeen. i have no costume. i need to go buy some glitter. ill be a star. haha. i really have no idea what i want to be when i grow up. its rediculous. there are so many things i enjoy, but i dont know what i could do for the rest of my life. im just at a point in my life where i dont know what to do about anything. whatever. this was my first blog. lateeer.